To find yourself, you must first be lost. To feel happiness, you must experience pain. Pretty accurate sentiments that someone recently relayed to me. My life has been a bit of a rollercoaster of late. A white light blur if you will. I can’t really recall all of the powerful, beautiful and even humbling moments that have taken place over the last few months. But I’ve been buckled up and enjoying the ride nonetheless. It’s crazy to look back at what has actually happened, and the momentous milestones that have played out. I have a weakness that I am working on in that I cannot seem to recognise progress or ‘achievements’. It’s always go, go, go, full steam ahead, and in so doing I miss out on the special feelings within each present moment. Basically how the world wants us to operate and feel. But we’re human, and we all err in some way or another.
Making a life in the middle of nowhere is romantic and appealing, but don’t ever think it is easy or devoid of any element of stress. I don’t think those closest to me grasp just how much of a life change it all is, even if the majority of my life was lived in these parts. But you put your head down, shoulder the wooden yoke and trudge on, and stay loyal to the dreams (and nightmares) of your choice.
It’s a powerful thing to truly recognise the role you play in your own misery and lack of growth. And once you truly grow tired of this, you kick those habits that didn’t serve you to the curb faster than a discarded cigarette butt. Every so often I just need to sit on some mountain top, unpacking the portmanteau of my mind that’s bursting at the seams, and have an enlightening conversation with my dogs. I believe that’s what therapy truly is. Therapy isn’t found in a perfectly curated office of some ridiculously ‘qualified’ professional. Therapy is found in nature, close to Source, in the Labyrinth even, and on your own most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, a good sit down with a true friend, a few bottles of good wine, and easy flowing conversation is therapy too, but like I have said, they still aren’t some overly ‘qualified’ professional, and this is my point. Back to that mountaintop though… Life is a series of epiphanies, realisations, ‘what the hell were you thinking’ moments, humbling situations, and love.
Love lived, love given freely, love withheld, but mostly just love the verb and the noun. In all that you do and live. Throw that all into a cast iron pot (always use cast iron if you can), let it simmer, forget about it, and come back to it with a glass of wine, and you will have realised a bunch of things, mainly just how narrow minded and dumb you actually are, and how much better a meal tastes when you cook with patience, over time, and without a recipe.
And if you get it, you’ll understand that this has nothing to do with cooking…
Always chasing the horizon.